How to Undermine a Relationship
A person through various reasons,
can have a deep-set fear of relationships.
A fear of intimacy.
Fear of being vulnerable.
Which results in them taking known or unknown actions that
undermine and breakdown a relationship.
Only a few destructive behaviors that undermine a relationship,
are discussed below.
Letting someone or something else come between the partnership.
Loyalty to other people, making someone or others more important
than your mate--example. staying 'married' to your original family, being
'married' to work, hobby, buddies etc. Another example is "bros before hoes" mentality.
2. Being too busy to share, such as not doing small simple things, to
heal and share feelings on a daily basis. Too preoccupied for quality
sharing. Not allowing intimacy. Workaholism, being emotionally unavailable.
Staying numbed out. Refusing to melt, not opening the heart. Sexual, or
'kundalini' energy can be aroused to rise up the spine to stimulate higher
glandular centers, healing body and spirit, but the heart must be open.
Whatever blocks the heart should be healed on an ongoing basis.
3. Expecting the partner to make you happy, holding partner accountable for
your own bad feelings. Blaming partner if you are not happy--a blatant way
to do it is to tell mate : "You make me unhappy," This includes judging,
labeling, and putting mate down.
4.Threatening to leave. Threatening divorce. Sometimes includes unnecessary
risk taking or suicidal behavior [such as associating with criminals or
dangerous driving] that might attract disaster to the relationship. If you
make threats, you put in motion destructive energy. Why create what you
don't want?. Why implant programming that undermines what you really want?
Why not visualize you and your partner radiant with happiness and love,
making a mutual commitment to heal upset feelings and work toward what you
really want.
5. Refusing to process feelings when upset, holding grudges, bringing up
past mistakes, or acting out negative feelings. Bringing up old lovers and old
relationships, etc. Every relationship should have mutually agreed upon
ground rules for working through feelings BEFORE inevitable upsets arise.
Practice healing your own upset feelings instead of projecting them onto
your mate. Learn what emotions are and how they get wounded and how they
heal. Feelings heal when allowed to flow safely and nondestructively in an
empathetic atmosphere, either within yourself or with a therapist.
6.Consciously or unconsciously setting up double binds. Keeping your eye out
for a better relationship to come along. Gossip and bad mouthing partner to
others. If you establish a judgmental atmosphere of the critical parent
[perhaps like your parents did with each other and with you] then that's
what you will get back in return.
7. Being fake and dishonest. Keeping up a front or facade, even if it is to
please the partner, to keep an 'act' going on all the time. To live in
denial and hide true feelings. Unintimate behavior, such as avoidance of
meaningful eye contact, allowing only superficial communication,etc.
8. Not apologizing or admitting when you have made a mistake. Avoiding responsibility and accountability for your own actions.
Refusing to grow and reach enlightenment. Not benefiting from experience.
Not forgiving any mistakes of self and others. Not learning, recognizing, accepting life's lessons,
is a way you waste your time in this life.
9. Not letting your partner influence your decisions. Insensitivity and
defensiveness. Not listening. Not respecting your mate. Extreme of this, is
forcing your partner to go along with activities that they have no interest in, or causes them genuine discomfort. i.e. your partner fears dogs and is allergic, but you buy 3 dogs and expect your partner to care for them while you are at work etc. And you get angry and defensive when they plea to find the dogs a new home.
10. Not staying healthy, not taking care of yourself or your appearance, such
as teeth etc. Obsessive drinking, overeating, smoking, dangerous substance abuse, gambling, financial irresponsibility, sexual addiction etc.
11. Denying you are triggered without giving it due consideration when your mate proposes it to you. Summarily dismissing the idea, the possibility, reacting angrily, curtly, emotionally blackmailing your mate for bringing it up.
Note:
These behaviors often result from a 'Hero to Villain Flip'. Often when a
major emotional upset happens in a relationship, an upset partner may go
from a positive to a negative emotional parental transference within his or
her inner child self to the mate. Or simply from a previously destructive adult relationship. The mate is seen as negative and
un-supportive instead of loving and nurturing. If the upset partner does not
identify these strongly upset feelings as originally coming from early
childhood emotional wounding, and blames the mate for his or her upset
feelings in present time, the relationship can suffer. Instead of acting out
destructively, it is good to discuss committing to heal and clear these
feelings with emotional processing.
than your mate--example. staying 'married' to your original family, being
'married' to work, hobby, buddies etc. Another example is "bros before hoes" mentality.
2. Being too busy to share, such as not doing small simple things, to
heal and share feelings on a daily basis. Too preoccupied for quality
sharing. Not allowing intimacy. Workaholism, being emotionally unavailable.
Staying numbed out. Refusing to melt, not opening the heart. Sexual, or
'kundalini' energy can be aroused to rise up the spine to stimulate higher
glandular centers, healing body and spirit, but the heart must be open.
Whatever blocks the heart should be healed on an ongoing basis.
3. Expecting the partner to make you happy, holding partner accountable for
your own bad feelings. Blaming partner if you are not happy--a blatant way
to do it is to tell mate : "You make me unhappy," This includes judging,
labeling, and putting mate down.
4.Threatening to leave. Threatening divorce. Sometimes includes unnecessary
risk taking or suicidal behavior [such as associating with criminals or
dangerous driving] that might attract disaster to the relationship. If you
make threats, you put in motion destructive energy. Why create what you
don't want?. Why implant programming that undermines what you really want?
Why not visualize you and your partner radiant with happiness and love,
making a mutual commitment to heal upset feelings and work toward what you
really want.
5. Refusing to process feelings when upset, holding grudges, bringing up
past mistakes, or acting out negative feelings. Bringing up old lovers and old
relationships, etc. Every relationship should have mutually agreed upon
ground rules for working through feelings BEFORE inevitable upsets arise.
Practice healing your own upset feelings instead of projecting them onto
your mate. Learn what emotions are and how they get wounded and how they
heal. Feelings heal when allowed to flow safely and nondestructively in an
empathetic atmosphere, either within yourself or with a therapist.
6.Consciously or unconsciously setting up double binds. Keeping your eye out
for a better relationship to come along. Gossip and bad mouthing partner to
others. If you establish a judgmental atmosphere of the critical parent
[perhaps like your parents did with each other and with you] then that's
what you will get back in return.
7. Being fake and dishonest. Keeping up a front or facade, even if it is to
please the partner, to keep an 'act' going on all the time. To live in
denial and hide true feelings. Unintimate behavior, such as avoidance of
meaningful eye contact, allowing only superficial communication,etc.
This also includes a false front of cheerfulness and flirtatious behavior and then avoidance. One moment being flirtatious and cheerful and seemingly obsessively loving and then a sudden swing to the opposite behavior, of avoiding, being unavailable and evasive. An overall behavior which is unreal. Fake. Not honest. Unstable swings of a false display to distract and confuse intentionally or through habit.
One more quick note to mention in this section...
they may be able to maintain a fake relationship with someone they do not feel a true and deep connection with.
But they will be erratic with someone they feel a true connection with.
But they will be erratic with someone they feel a true connection with.
This can be seen in people who run from a real relationship where they feel vulnerable in, and then suddenly match up with someone and even marry quickly, a person who does not truly affect them in a deep and honest way.
A truly self destructive person,
will run from meaningful relationships,
and surround themselves with fake relationships.
8. Not apologizing or admitting when you have made a mistake. Avoiding responsibility and accountability for your own actions.
Refusing to grow and reach enlightenment. Not benefiting from experience.
Not forgiving any mistakes of self and others. Not learning, recognizing, accepting life's lessons,
is a way you waste your time in this life.
9. Not letting your partner influence your decisions. Insensitivity and
defensiveness. Not listening. Not respecting your mate. Extreme of this, is
forcing your partner to go along with activities that they have no interest in, or causes them genuine discomfort. i.e. your partner fears dogs and is allergic, but you buy 3 dogs and expect your partner to care for them while you are at work etc. And you get angry and defensive when they plea to find the dogs a new home.
10. Not staying healthy, not taking care of yourself or your appearance, such
as teeth etc. Obsessive drinking, overeating, smoking, dangerous substance abuse, gambling, financial irresponsibility, sexual addiction etc.
11. Denying you are triggered without giving it due consideration when your mate proposes it to you. Summarily dismissing the idea, the possibility, reacting angrily, curtly, emotionally blackmailing your mate for bringing it up.
Note:
These behaviors often result from a 'Hero to Villain Flip'. Often when a
major emotional upset happens in a relationship, an upset partner may go
from a positive to a negative emotional parental transference within his or
her inner child self to the mate. Or simply from a previously destructive adult relationship. The mate is seen as negative and
un-supportive instead of loving and nurturing. If the upset partner does not
identify these strongly upset feelings as originally coming from early
childhood emotional wounding, and blames the mate for his or her upset
feelings in present time, the relationship can suffer. Instead of acting out
destructively, it is good to discuss committing to heal and clear these
feelings with emotional processing.
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Ammael Appleby
Author
Psychic Medium Sorcery Occultist Divine Oracle Healer, Exorcist & Guide Angel Communication Tarot, Scrying, Dream Interpretation Astrology, Numerology, Pyromancy, Demonomancy